Mascara Mornings
Story time.
For well over a decade, my days have started in the dark hours of the morning coaching classes or personal training amazing people before they head to work. I often have made light of the fact that in my vanity, I put on mascara at 4:00 in the morning. It’s my thing. I love mascara, and thanks to my girl Yachen for hooking me up with some serum, I love long eyelashes to go with it! I promise I’m going somewhere with this…
A few weeks ago, I got ready for work as I always do, in a half awake state, my unconscious brain basically running the show for my body. Nothing was out of the norm… until I went to the bathroom for the first time in my day, looked up in the mirror while washing my hands, and noticed that I had completely forgotten to put on mascara.
Can I be honest? I felt naked. Exposed. I am not the type to never leave the house without make up… I totally do! This was different… It wasn’t a conscious choice. I would never choose to go to work for 8 hours without my beloved mascara on.
I was shocked at how self conscious I felt. The first few hours I was at work, I didn’t even give a second thought to my appearance… But after that trip to the bathroom, I had a constant awareness in the back of my mind the rest of the day. Instead of being fully engaged with conversations, my mind was wondering if they noticed… Did they think I was just tired, or had a rough night and I wasn’t really ready to give my all at work? Why am I so obesessed with this, and holy cow how am I so shallow??
All of this over mascara.
It would have been easy to let those thoughts steamroll down the runaway thought train, tracking down my old, well worn paths of shame and judgement… And believe me, they were loaded up on the tracks and ready to go! But, praise God for growth and truth! Noticing I was starting to spiral, and that the same old lies were coming for me, I was able to throw on the brakes. Truth is the only thing stronger than lies. Even when I don’t feel like it is true, I can come back to what I know is true. My confidence is not based on my outward appearance, that is fleeting and fading, but solely on the fact that I am loved beyond my ability to understand by my Creator.
Do I still put on that mascara at 4AM? You betcha. But I’m not doing it to fix something, because friend, it isn’t broken in the first place.
